What a fucking waste of an outfit
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
