You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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