But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
