Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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