Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
