Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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