do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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