i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
