I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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