I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
