why didn't you poke me back
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
