Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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