Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just forgot I was standing up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
