omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
