Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
