never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish you could order shots online.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
