I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
