Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
