The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
