i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
