last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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