She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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