If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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