The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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