Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
