Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
