3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
