we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
