i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
