just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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