Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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