So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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