I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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