I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
