If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
