Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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