How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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