I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just cut my nipple shaving
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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