It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
