After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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