I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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