filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
