she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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