Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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