I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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