For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
