just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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