he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
