So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
