Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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