If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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