He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
