youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
