I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
