I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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