The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
