Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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