True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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