R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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