She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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