just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
