Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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